Emotions

I am officially full term. With only 2 weeks until we meet our son. And I have become extremely emotional. Surprised? Didn't think so:)

Here are some of my emotions:

Fear. 
That I'm not going to be a good mother to 2 children. That I won't be able to find a good balance. That something bad will happen. That my strong relationship with Lila will change and we won't be as close (this is probably my biggest fear). That I will fail.

Joy.
I can't wait to experience the pure joy there is when meeting your child for the first time. Hearing their first cry and kissing them on the cheek. Staring at them and cuddling them for hours. Watching Lila Jo become a big sister and help me take care of her baby brother.

Anxious.

Because Drew starts the fair less than a week after the baby is born. He will be gone all day and most of the night for 10 days. The fair is gruesome. It's hard work. And it's stressful. Drew won't be here with us for the first 2 weeks of our son's life and that makes me very, very sad. And anxious. I know that our family will be here to help us and that the good Lord won't give us more than we can handle. But it still stinks. Majorly. 

Sad. 

The end of pregnancy is always bittersweet. As tough and painful as it is to be pregnant sometimes, there's just something about it that I love. Feeling him move inside of me and watching his little foot and tushie glide across my belly have been amazing. He and I know each other already. We have bonded and no one else knows what it feels like:) It's our time together and we don't have to share each other. It's just him and me:) 

Very sad that we don't get to take our son home. He doesn't have his own room. His clothes are stuffed in tupperware drawers. He doesn't have his name (even though we still don't know it) written on his walls. Or books neatly tucked away on his very own bookshelf.

And sad that the going home experience will be so different than it was with Lila. I will want my momma:(

Excited. 
To meet our son. And watch Lila Jo with him. To introduce him to our friends and family. To watch him learn and grow and blossom like we have watched LJ.

Love. 
There is nothing greater than the love you have for your children. And I can't wait for my momma heart to expand once more and become encapsulated with the love for two kiddos. It's gonna be incredible. And it will probably make me cry. A lot:)

Grateful. 
To all of our friends and family who have been so supportive since we sold our house and moved in with Grammie and Poppie. This definitely hasn't been the easiest and most stress-free situation but everyone has been so amazing and made it as easy on us as possible. And I know they will continue to do so. We are so very lucky to have such amazing family and friends.

I have every emotion that exists. One minute I am weeping uncontrollably and the next I am overcome with joy. But if I truly look at everything in an optimistic way...I have everything I need. Everything.

And between all of these emotions...this little girl has been keeping me busy. Pregnant with a 2 year old is no easy task, but she sure does make me smile.

Her latest thing is looking through "stelescopes." She's got quite the imagination.

 My sweet Lila Jo. She has a firm hold on this heart of mine.